Upwards and Onwards.
It is a year now since my husband Ian died suddenly. I thought it was the beginning of the end for me after being married happily for 40 years.
Firstly it was family and friends who were my saving as I had not realised how important they were in my life. While married Ian and I did most things together ..Holidays , trips out , hobbies like our allotments. My friends and family had taken a backward step.
It was time for things to change .I know that sounds very cold but I needed to fill my life and try to enjoy it. It does not suit everyone to “Just get on with life ” but it was my way of dealing with what had happened…The longer you leave it the harder it becomes.
The allotments and long walks.
I started by going to the allotments . It was the end of January and still not easy to start anything but it was nice to meet the lovely people I knew and to gossip about what we were going to do in 2015. I started by having a word with Linda who gladly offered to help me with half of one of my plots .This relieved the pressure of trying to do too much at once. It was not the best planting year for me but it helped me adjust and to make the most of the long walks through Flackwell Heath.
We have had chickens for over five years and I never realised how important they were in my life. In January 2015 it was cold , wet and the last thing I wanted at first was to deal with them ..but they deserved to be fed , watered and be kept safe. I loved them and it gave me a reason for being .One year one they are well looked after and cared for .I talk to them all the time and tell them what my plans are and they always give me good advice!
One thing about suddenly being on your own after 40 years is that you don’t know where to start.Luckily I have a little part time job in the village so I know a lot of people by just chatting (gossiping?) This kept me in contact and renewed friendships. had never involved myself in clubs etc., in the village but I was amazed at how many there were.
I joined the Womens ‘ every other Thursday night persuaded by my friend Marilyn.
Oasis which is a bereavement group in the village for people like me that have found themselves alone..they have social evenings with food and drink ,river trips and BBQ’s and much more.
I am no expert but I do think the more you feel sad and do nothing the worse it gets. Contact old friends and family, do things that you would never have dreamt of before ,join clubs they are there for you (especially in the winter.) walk and take in fresh air,It does not have to be a long walk around the block will do. It’s amazing how many people you see. As better than sitting indoors watching day time TV .The husband Ian I have lost would not have wanted that for me.